Trans Universe

In 1999, Amanda Schrader and I journeyed to Washington, DC to lobby Congress for transgender rights as a part of a group gathered there by GenderPAC. It was my first time in DC and my first time talking to Congress people on anything, much less transgender rights. I had been living as Monica for just under two years and was about to get a major dose of what it was like being part of a minority.

That event was special because I met several people who would become long-time friends, such as AG Casebeer, Monica Roberts, Dawn Wilson, Jessica Xavier and Ethan St. Pierre, who was not “Ethan” at the time. I also met my idol at the time, Riki Wilchins.

Amanda and I raised money from LGBT people in Arizona so we could represent the transgender community in our state. We planned on this so perfectly that we had scheduled appointments in ever Arizona Congress person’s office, with the exception of Senator McCain. It felt good to be so prepared.

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An Open Letter to HRC

Dear HRC,

Many things have happened since Southern Comfort, 2007. Transgender people have been taken to extreme heights of hope and depths of despair, all in a very short time. Words flowed back and forth between both sides of the issue, many that were not very pleasant to hear. We said them and they filled pages and pages of blogs and web sites across the WWW. History will judge us all harshly when that time comes. Are we prepared for what will be found? We can only speak for ourselves, individually.

That is why I am writing this letter. I have to speak for myself, as an individual, and not as a so-called leader in the transgender community. I have struggled these past months; with images of disadvantaged trans people I have known flooding my mind. I need to start following the teaching of Jesus, because in His words I find comfort. I need to settle with you, HRC.

I discovered that in order for me to better serve Jesus and do what He has set before me, whatever that may be, I have to forgive those who have hurt me. I have resisted for a long time the need to forgive you, because the hurt is so very deep. I keep seeing Alice Johnston in my mind. Because HRC was not willing to fight for total equality, Alice felt she had no alternative but to take her own life. However, my Pastor reminded me that Alice is with God and she is now without worry. Yes, she is, and I forgive you.

I have carried my anger toward you for a long time and I have acted foolishly because of it. I cannot be expected to do something out of love for the transgender community if I carry around anger toward those who have hurt me. Anger and love cannot occupy the same space at the same time. It is against the laws of physics. It is also hypocritical to my faith.

I know that it will be difficult for some of my friends in the transgender community to understand why I am forgiving you. It is the risk I have to take if I am to be about justice, act mercifully and walk humbly with God. Each person has to settle this with their God in their own way, including any of you on the Board of HRC who saw fit to support removing us from equality. It is not my place to judge.

There will be times in the future where you will once again anger the transgender community. I cannot let those moments detract me from what I am doing and what I can do to help my community. The relevance of your organization has been minimized by the greater good of my community. My God will always guide my heart and my soul on the path of inclusion, no matter what the cost.

I only hope that all of us, the HRC Board included, can be shown a way to do justice that includes all the letters of our community. When you fall short, I will be there to remind you. When you step ahead, I will be there to honor you. I hope you will forgive me for my harsh words and judgment as I have forgiven you for excluding the people of my community from your process. I pray that one day, you too will see that equality is for all and not just for those who pass as “gender normal.”

So, I forgive you and I hope you have a peaceful life.

Monica F. Helms

Marietta, GA

I decided to post this because of a recent article my friend Monica Roberts posted about finding out that Gabrielle Pickett was murdered in 2003. She was the twin sister of Chanelle Pickett who was murdered in 1997. The loss upset her so much that she wrote an article for her blog called “I’m Pissed.”

In 2004, the Atlanta Pride Committee had a contest to write a true story about someone in the LGBT community and I was moved to write one about my friend Alice, who took her life after being unemployed for 15 months and was turned away from from homeless shelters for being a transgender woman.

I wrote this story at the initial length they asked for and they accepted it. However, they wanted me to trim it by a few hundred words, so I did. After that, they wanted me to trim it even more and completely remove the ending. That I wouldn’t do. The ending IS the story. I hope Joe Solmonese gets to read this.

(The following is a first person account of the last fifteen months of my friend, Alice Johnston’s life, as if she may have told it. The events in this actually happened. – MFH –)

ALICE
by Monica F. Helms

I stared at the television screen in disbelief as one of the World Trade Center buildings crumbled into dust, then the next one. The horror I witnessed would haunt me for the rest of my life and the news estimated that over 3000 people lost their lives that day. What they didn’t say – or know – was how many more lives would become impacted by that fatal day. I would soon find out that I, Alice Johnston, would be one of them. (more…)