By Monica F. Helms

It has been exactly eleven and a half years since I started living this life as Monica and during that time, so many things have happened that I feel like I have lived three lifetimes. Friends came into my life and others have left, and some them even came back. I lost friends by the hands of others and some by their own hands. I have been praised by some for the work I have done and hated by others for exactly the same work. I have seen the best and the worst from my gay, lesbian and bisexual brothers and sisters, and truly seen the best and the worst of human nature in the transgender community, some of it happening the very day I type this.

(Break)

For years, I have been vilified by a tiny minority of individuals in the transgender community. It’s because I’m not homophobic or transphobic and I don’t follow their strict, narrow-minded guidelines of what they think a transsexual or a woman should be. They should follow their hearts and do what they think is best for them, but I had yet to see the same consideration from them. With their hearts filled with such bitterness and hate, I pray that God will one day show them the light.

In spite of the minor inconvenience these transgender women have given me, my life has been good. I have been working for the same company for the last 19 years and they treat me like a woman and have me listed as female in their system. The State of Georgia has me listed as female, as do my insurance companies. I have dated several lesbians over the years and they all saw me and treated me as another woman. I have been accepted in women’s spaces for over a decade in all aspects in my life and in many cases, they knew I was a transsexual. When I became a delegate for the Democratic National Convention in 2004, I was considered as a female by the DNC. It has never really been a problem in my life as it has for others. I’ve been blessed that way.

Being considered a woman in Western society has little to do with what is under your clothes and more to do with the feminine attitude you take through life. If you just are, then others can feel it. You must control life instead of letting life control you. For some, it is believing in a higher power and for others, it is believing in themselves. I believe in both. I don’t need to worry how others see me, because they do not change my life.

Sadly, some put stringent rules on how to be a woman or what you have to do to “qualify.” They spend valuable time defining and analyzing life and not living it. This is a meaningless existence. It is said we have only one life to live, but transsexuals get two. It’s a shame that some people couldn’t make the best of both of them while here.

One of the newest places I have been accepted as a woman is in a women’s pool player’s league. The American Poolplayers Association (APA) has many leagues across the country and in Georgia, but most of them are co-ed, except for this one. I cannot remember a time when I have had so much fun in a social setting on a regular basis. Most of what I have been involved with had been serious LGBT events or political events. Playing pool is just plain fun. Out of about 40 women who play on this league, only two of us identify as lesbian. The rest are all straight and I know they all know about my transsexual history.

These women are so good at pool that I have had to ratchet up my playing skills to a higher level and even doing that, I have only maintained a 50% win record. This group has had a humbling affect on me . . . when it comes to pool. (Grin) But, they have also given my heart a warm feeling whenever I’m with them. We laugh, we talk about pool, we talk about our children and we talk about life in general. None of them has ever asked me about being a transsexual, because it is a non-issue. To them, I am just another woman who can be their next challenger in a pool match. In a game, the only focus is the next shot and not that I may have started life as a boy.

Life has so much beauty that to close your eyes means you will miss it. It behooves people to spend less time criticizing others for not doing what THEY think they should do and turn their attention to what they need to do to make their lives happier. As much as some may think, my life and how I live it has zero affect on theirs. If people think my life affect theirs, then they have given me more power then I deserve, or want. All I really want to do is to make it to the next shot.

“Eight ball in the side pocket.”

   On Wednesday, October 1, I will be on a plane heading west to Southern California.  A Beach Boys song keeps ringing in my ears, “I wish they all could be California Girls!”  Ah, yes.  California girls.  My mind does wonder at times.  I will be in the San Diego area, the place I lived when stationed on the USS Flasher (SSN 613.)  I have several trans friends who live there and I plan on seeing them.

(Break)

The reason I will be going west while many of my transgender friends arriving in Atlanta for Southern Comfort is that my oldest son, Robert, gets married that weekend.  While the Saturday Night Gala at SCC goes on just a dozen miles from my home, I will be 3000 miles away at the wedding reception for my straight son and his new bride, surrounded by most of my family.  What a thrill.

I am actually very proud to be at my son’s wedding, because it says a lot about his acceptance of me.  I will be in amongst his bride Olivia’s family, some of which have never met me and probably don’t wish to.  It might be a bit too much for them to handle Robert’s transsexual Dad, especially when I will be wearing a long, black, backless evening gown.  They’ll just have to live with it.

I have to laugh about the wedding sometimes.  I am going to California to attend a straight wedding.   Straight people actually do get married in California.  Who would have thunk it?  But, I will be a bit sad missing my first SCC since moving to the Atlanta area.  And, the good thing that comes out of all of this?  I’ll get to avoid running into some trans people I don’t want to see, while getting to meet up with trans friends I do want to see.

 One of the most interesting things to happen to me lately is that I joined the American Poolplayers Association (APA,) on a women’s league.  In the last few years, I have been playing pool on such a regular basis that I have actually become a decent player.  When I visited Phoenix this past April, my nephew Aaron took me to a place where I could buy my first pool queue.  Aaron is nearly a pro and he also gave me some very important tips that have helped me improve my game.

This past Wednesday, I went to a place called Fat Cats to join the APA and play with other women members.  I have to thank my best friend Angela for giving me the idea to join a league and my co-worker, Eiko for introducing me to the group at Fat Cats.  I had a fantastic time.

The highlight of the evening was when I played my first official round to help me establish my Skill Level.  Every new APA player starts off at a Skill Level 3, and based on how they do, they can go up or down.  Being a new player, I had to play an established person and in order for me to win the round, I had to win three games and she had to win only two.

This woman was not a bad player and I could see that we had about the same Skill Level.  I ended up winning three games in a row, two of them with the eight ball being the only one on the table.  On one of my wins, I made a shot where I banked the eight off the far bumper to angle it into the corner pocket on my right.   It was a shot I had practiced many times in the past and can make every so often.  It felt good when it went in.

The women meet every Wednesday night at Fat Cats, so it looks like I will have my Wednesdays all planned out.  I’m even taking my queue to California with me so I can stay in practice.  I guess this will be a fun trip after all.