By Monica F. Helms

It has been exactly eleven and a half years since I started living this life as Monica and during that time, so many things have happened that I feel like I have lived three lifetimes. Friends came into my life and others have left, and some them even came back. I lost friends by the hands of others and some by their own hands. I have been praised by some for the work I have done and hated by others for exactly the same work. I have seen the best and the worst from my gay, lesbian and bisexual brothers and sisters, and truly seen the best and the worst of human nature in the transgender community, some of it happening the very day I type this.

(Break)

For years, I have been vilified by a tiny minority of individuals in the transgender community. It’s because I’m not homophobic or transphobic and I don’t follow their strict, narrow-minded guidelines of what they think a transsexual or a woman should be. They should follow their hearts and do what they think is best for them, but I had yet to see the same consideration from them. With their hearts filled with such bitterness and hate, I pray that God will one day show them the light.

In spite of the minor inconvenience these transgender women have given me, my life has been good. I have been working for the same company for the last 19 years and they treat me like a woman and have me listed as female in their system. The State of Georgia has me listed as female, as do my insurance companies. I have dated several lesbians over the years and they all saw me and treated me as another woman. I have been accepted in women’s spaces for over a decade in all aspects in my life and in many cases, they knew I was a transsexual. When I became a delegate for the Democratic National Convention in 2004, I was considered as a female by the DNC. It has never really been a problem in my life as it has for others. I’ve been blessed that way.

Being considered a woman in Western society has little to do with what is under your clothes and more to do with the feminine attitude you take through life. If you just are, then others can feel it. You must control life instead of letting life control you. For some, it is believing in a higher power and for others, it is believing in themselves. I believe in both. I don’t need to worry how others see me, because they do not change my life.

Sadly, some put stringent rules on how to be a woman or what you have to do to “qualify.” They spend valuable time defining and analyzing life and not living it. This is a meaningless existence. It is said we have only one life to live, but transsexuals get two. It’s a shame that some people couldn’t make the best of both of them while here.

One of the newest places I have been accepted as a woman is in a women’s pool player’s league. The American Poolplayers Association (APA) has many leagues across the country and in Georgia, but most of them are co-ed, except for this one. I cannot remember a time when I have had so much fun in a social setting on a regular basis. Most of what I have been involved with had been serious LGBT events or political events. Playing pool is just plain fun. Out of about 40 women who play on this league, only two of us identify as lesbian. The rest are all straight and I know they all know about my transsexual history.

These women are so good at pool that I have had to ratchet up my playing skills to a higher level and even doing that, I have only maintained a 50% win record. This group has had a humbling affect on me . . . when it comes to pool. (Grin) But, they have also given my heart a warm feeling whenever I’m with them. We laugh, we talk about pool, we talk about our children and we talk about life in general. None of them has ever asked me about being a transsexual, because it is a non-issue. To them, I am just another woman who can be their next challenger in a pool match. In a game, the only focus is the next shot and not that I may have started life as a boy.

Life has so much beauty that to close your eyes means you will miss it. It behooves people to spend less time criticizing others for not doing what THEY think they should do and turn their attention to what they need to do to make their lives happier. As much as some may think, my life and how I live it has zero affect on theirs. If people think my life affect theirs, then they have given me more power then I deserve, or want. All I really want to do is to make it to the next shot.

“Eight ball in the side pocket.”