By Monica F. Helms

I set this vacation aside to fly to San Diego so I could attend the wedding of my oldest son, Robert. Just so happened, the weekend had been also set aside by the planners of Southern Comfort for their yearly conference. I would miss seeing all of my friends by not being at SCC, but I would be spending time with friends and family in Southern California. I felt there would probably be disadvantages and advantages to both, and at the end, my feelings turned out correct.

Day One: My vacation actually started a day before I flew out to San Diego, giving me time to get ready for the trip. But, a day that would seem rather dull and mundane turned out to be an interesting one after all. Around 3 PM, I picked up my ex-girlfriend at the airport, because she came into town to attend Southern Comfort.

It felt nice to see Karen again, but the strong love I had for her had changed to a deep friendship. This friendship went far deeper and more diverse then our relationship had ever been. I still have a love for her, but it is the same kind of love I have for the few other people I call my best friends.

(Break)

Karen and I had dinner, then we talked for awhile. She got to meet my sweet cat, Aragorn and he took to her rather quickly. Karen also owns a wonderful cat. Afterwards, we went to the Marietta Billiards Club, where we played several games of pool. She won most of them. Damn. After we finished, I drove her back to the hotel where SCC took place and I headed home to finish my packing.

Day Two: I got up early and drove to the Marta station at the mall just down the street from the hotel where Karen stayed. I figured if she needed transportation for any reason, she could use my car. It seemed to have worked out, because she did see a need to use it at one time. The rest of the time, she kept it in the hotel parking garage, which saved me money.

It took me a little longer to get to the airport then I planned, which meant I made it to the gate just as my zone boarded. The flight to San Diego lasted over four hours and I didn’t feel comfortable sitting in those cramped seats on the airplane for that long.

San Diego weather felt so warm that the long-sleeved top I wore made me feel hot. I rented my car and drove down to spend time with my good friend and fellow veteran, Autumn Sandeen. She was kind to put me up for the two days preceding the wedding and I cannot thank her enough for doing so.

That evening, I got to spend time with Brynn Craffey, a trans man who contributes to The Bilerico Project on a regular basis. His writing has always intrigued me, so I figured while in the San Diego area, I would look him up. That evening, we had an amazing conversation on all kinds of subjects, but it’s too bad we live so far apart. I would have loved to talk with him more on a regular basis, because he has done so much in his life.

Day Three: I had lunch with Ben Gomez, the president of the San Diego Chapter of the American Veterans for Equal Rights (AVER) and his partner, Jeffrey Redondo, a member of the San Diego Pride Committee. They told me about the entire goings on with California Prop 8 and other important events in the Southern California area. I smiled when they told me they would be getting married on that Sunday. I hope many people contribute to the defeat of Prop 8, as well as the one in Florida and the Constitution amendment in Arizona.

I spent the afternoon grocery shopping with Autumn at the Navy base commissary, helping her stock up for the next month. Since she recently had gastric by-pass surgery, she has to eat much healthier then she had in the past, meaning a lot of fresh fruit, vegetables and other items. I have to say that she has done rather well, because she looks half the size from when I last saw her. It has helped her overall health since getting the surgery.

Not too long after we came home and put away all of the groceries, the Vice Presidential Debate took place. We sat down with popcorn and watched the train wreck known as Sarah Palin try to derail the Obama-Biden campaign. She had her stupid folksy sayings and winks at the camera that must have made the Religious Right morons all wetting their pants with delight. I got sick watching it. “You betcha.”

Day Four: This Friday turned out to be a special day. After saying my good-byes to Autumn, I headed 30 miles north to Carlsbad, CA, where I got myself a motel room and prepared for the rehearsal dinner that would take place later at Fidel’s Norte, a beautiful Mexican restaurant near the ocean.

That evening, I got to see my two sons, Robert and Bryan, for the first time since April. Along with my sons, there were other family relatives and my ex-wife, Donna. We had a wonderful time at Fidel’s Norte, even though my ex and I had to pay for the dinner. I can see my son was marrying into a great family.

That evening, I drove south to a gay nightclub because someone told me they had “Lady’s Night.” They indeed had many women there, but they all appeared as young or younger then my sons. They did, however, had free pool tables, so I got a chance to play a little.

Day Five: Saturday was the wedding day. I could quickly tell that the stress of the day pressed heavily on Robert, shortly after I had my hair done. He told me the wedding started at 5 PM, so I thought I had plenty of time to rest and get ready. But, at 2 PM, he called me and said I had to be at the hotel by 3:30 for pictures. I had to run around to get ready and did not feel happy with the final results. I made it in time, but had my pictures taken a half hour later.

Here is a link to pictures taken by my sister Julie and her daughter, Katie.

The wedding looked beautiful. Olivia made a gorgeous bride and looked thrilled. I cried, like all the other women in my family and Olivia’s family. My sons have always made me proud and this wedding made me feel even prouder of both of them.

At the reception, I actually felt alone. I had no special love with me to dance with, to smile with, and to share my joy with. However, my son and his bride were happy and that means more to me than anything else. Maybe one day I will find happiness like my two sons have. Maybe. Just maybe. Until that day, I wish them all the luck in the world.

As I start typing this piece, the movie “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” is on Sci-Fi, in preparation for the upcoming new, “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.”  I bring this up because the search for love, that one true love, is as much of a crusade as searching for the Holy Grail, and in some cases, more rare.  I may have found the “Holy Grail” of my life.  I may have found my one true love.

(Break)

I say “may,” because there are still too many unknowns and hurdles in this new relationship that we cannot be certain of.  Life is full of twists and turns, ups and downs and any one of them could end our relationship in a heartbeat.  For now, we move forward.

Karen and I met at the Tucson IFGE Conference on a Wednesday when the hotel was providing snacks and finger foods for the attendees that night in the bar.  I saw her walk into with her friends and was instantly drawn to her beauty.  But, I suspected that someone as good looking as her already had a special person in her life.

As the evening progresses, I went to get some food, but when I got to the table, the main dishes were gone and they were bringing out more.  I waited patiently for them to bring out the food and as I did, Karen walked up, so we struck up a conversation.  I found out she lived in Austin, Texas.

Shortly into the conversation, she made an interesting comment that still makes us both laugh today.  She said, “I identify as a lesbian.”  Now, I hadn’t even traveled down that road of conversation, so I found the comment rather perplexing, to say the least.

“So do I.”  I smiled.  “My friends and I plan on going to a lesbian night club at ten.  Would you care to go?”

“I’d love to.”

Thus started a journey on a trip that culminated into one of the most fantastic conferences I have ever experienced.  We spent as much time together at the conference as was possible.  We had dinner together, danced together, stared at the stars in the crystal clear desert night, and we felt the joys of passion together.  It was magical.

But, as we all know, the awe of magic soon fades and reality takes its place.  We both didn’t want the only reality for us to be those three days in Tucson, so we stayed in touch.  One of the ways we communicated was through the modern technology of web cams.  Not only could we talk, but we could see each other.  We laughed, we cried and we played our favorite music for each other.  To see each other in such a fashion helped to maintain the spark we felt at the conference.

It quickly became obvious that we had to get together once again, so the plan was for her to fly to Atlanta for a three-day weekend.  It was to take place six weeks from the time we first met in Tucson.  The wait was excruciating.  We counted down the days.

What would we find on this next weekend?  Would we see that the time we spent in Tucson was nothing more than two ships passing in the night?  Or, could we at least capture what we had six weeks earlier?  Fear filled my heart.  I wanted to see her once again.  I wanted to hold her once again.  I wanted to kiss her once again.

The day came and I picked her up at the airport.  My heart soared when I give her a hug and a kiss, right on the curb of the terminal.  It was only the beginning of what would turn out to be the most amazing weekend in my life.  She felt the same way when it was all over.

What is this new and outstanding feeling I’m experiencing here?  I have had other girlfriends in the past and had a great time with them.  What makes Karen so different?  I have felt love many times in my life, but why is it so intense with Karen?  Am I finally getting the chance to experience what REAL LOVE is?  If so, I don’t want it to stop.

Karen and I connected in ways that the English language still hasn’t created the words to adequately describe how we feel about each other.  We touched each other’s souls so deeply that our hearts beat in harmony.  Just a light touch to the arms or the face redefines the word “sensuality.”  Her kiss sends shivers down my spine and through my whole body.  All of our senses intensify with every movement our bodies touch.  Songs are written about finding heaven on earth.  I now know that it is possible.

I truly love Karen and I cannot stop saying that.  But, reality keeps us from enjoying a full life together.  Both of us have good jobs and many responsibilities in the cities where we live.  Our roots run deep in the Georgia red clay and the brown soil of the Texas plains.  We do not see any possible way to snap those roots . . . at least for now.  One never knows what other things can change our fortunes in the future.

For now, we have resigned ourselves to seeing each others whenever we can, based on finances and time off.  Long distance relationships are not known to work out, but I have heard exceptions to that.  We are both hoping that Time will show us the way to a happy life together.  Yet, Time can also show us the futility of our love.  “Love conquers all,” the saying goes.  Will time and distance trump love?  Not if we have anything to say about it.

We will work in fighting to keep our love strong.  In the meantime, Karen and I will see each other on the 4^th of July weekend and on other weekends in the future.  Let’s hope that love can truly conquer all.  I asked in the title if Karen is “The One.”  After all the times I had my heart broken, its time I found The One, and I see Karen as that person.

I love you, Karen.