Trans Universe

(This piece is what I submitted for the book called “Trans People in Love,” published by Routledge, June 6, 2008.  The editors are Tracie O’Keefe and Katrina Fox.  “Sex and the Single Trannie” is Chapter 12, on page 111.)

By Monica F. Helms

“NO! I refuse to believe you!”

“Sorry, Monica. Once you start hormones, you’ll lose your libido.”

“I will NOT let that happen.”

“You’ll have no choice.”

“We’ll see about that.”

One may ask, “What does libido have to do with love?” This is, after all, an anthology of transsexuals and love and very little about sexual desires. That maybe so, but I cannot separate the strong connections between all of those parts of my personality.

Most people understand that humans are extremely complex biological organisms that have the capacity to experience a large range of emotions, including the elusive one known as “love.” They also can feel a multitude of physical sensation and understand what they all mean, especially sexual pleasures. Over the course of the last decade, I’ve experienced love and sexual pleasures on so many levels that it would be hard to isolate one special moment or one special person. Others in this book may have a partner or someone special, but I don’t. Yet, I have loved and lost enough times to know what the experience feels like.

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By Monica F. Helms

(This is the 3rd and final installment in the “Stuck in . . . ” series.)

We all know that loneliness does not limit itself to LGB or T people. This feeling probably strikes 100% of the human population at one time of another, many living in perpetual loneliness for most of their lives. A person can feel lonely because they have no one special in their life who loves them. Others can be lonely in a crowd of people who do love them. A majority of people don’t go out of their way to choose to be lonely, yet some do. But, loneliness goes out of its way to chooses us.

Even though the feeling of loneliness does not differ between LGBT people and straight people, the causes can be different. If we can believe the figures for the number of LGBT people in the population, between 5% and 10%, then that means that there would be far less LGBT people in the world to find your special someone from. Of course, bisexual people have more numbers to choose from, as do straight transgender people. If an LGBT person lives in a rural area, their chances become zero in many cases. However, numbers alone don’t keep people from feeling lonely.

Loneliness in the lesbian community is such a large issue that it generated a joke. When two lesbians fall in love, one quickly rents a U-Haul so they can move in together. It might seem funny, if it didn’t have its basis in reality. For gay men, you’ll find dozens of cruising bars in large cities to accommodate their need to cure loneliness, even if it’s for just one night. Everyone tries to cope the best they can, but loneliness keeps its own time.

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By Monica F. Helms

Think of how dull the world would be if everything came in just twos. We would only have two different colors, two different smells, two different tastes and two different sounds. People would appear in just two different varieties for each sex, and only thinking in just two different ways. From our diverse perspective, it would be a boring existence, except that in that world, boredom would only come in two forms as well.

Being a science fiction fan and writer, I can easily imagine how a world of true binaries would look. I’m envisioning a novel coming from that right now. We should consider ourselves lucky that Mother Nature can think beyond binaries. Unfortunately, even with all the evidence in front of us, Human Nature cannot think beyond binaries.

I should clarify that last sentence. When it comes to all that exists around us, we easily bask in the beauty of a world that goes way beyond binaries. We see flowers of all colors and varieties. Our pets come in all shapes, sizes, species and temperament. One could take a decade sampling all the varieties of food the world has to offer. Yes, we don’t live in a binary world, yet in some forms, binary thinking exists in people.

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By Monica F. Helms

I’m sure blog readers have heard the phrase “Friends with Benefits” quite often, since they consist of some rather sophisticated people out there.  Whenever people hear “FWB,” it conjures up all kinds of lustful images in their minds, mostly about noncommittal sex with a good friend.  This phrase came in existence in about the late 80’s, early 90’s by the younger crowd, but it has worked its way to all generations.

This subject has come up on occasions with some of my friends and ex-girlfriends, discussing it at lengths, which made me feel the need to write about my feeling on this.  The Internet has plenty of pages on FWB, so I’m not breaking into new territory.  Of course, most of what you find on the Internet has been geared toward straight people, but the idea has become common in the LGBT community as well.

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