Monica Helms, transsexual Navy veteran

Editor’s note: First Person is a series of commentaries that give voice to those not commonly heard in Atlanta media.

After growing up a “typical boy,” marrying “the one” and fathering two children, Monica Helms finally acted on a lifelong desire to become a woman.

Sometime around the age of 4 or 5, I knew something was different about me. I was raised Catholic and you’re supposed to pray to God for things. So I prayed to God to turn me into a girl. I finally got to do it 41 years later, so I guess for God that’s like overnight delivery.

Several things slowed down my process of becoming a woman. I was the typical boy. I can honestly say that I was a tomboy in a boy’s body. I had loving parents and we always did things together, so I didn’t have time for a lot of introspective thinking. And I was the oldest child, so I didn’t have an older sister to emulate or to be jealous of. I was always attracted to women, so that was another part that didn’t clue me in. So there were a lot of things that got in the way of me realizing what I was.

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I started cross-dressing in 1974, right smack-dab in the middle of my Navy career when I was based in Charleston. It was the deepest, darkest secret in my entire life. I would tell someone that I’d murdered someone before I’d tell someone I cross-dressed. It was scary, because I knew that if I got caught I would get kicked out. So all I did then was dress up at home. Then I got transferred to the Bay Area in 1976, and I had a little more accessibility to a community that was just ready to explode. Talk about stepping out of your boundaries into a whole new world! When I started cross-dressing and going to the gay clubs, I felt like I could be out in public as myself.

I got out of the Navy in 1978 and went to junior college, where I met my wife.  I just knew that she was “the one,” but I couldn’t ask her to marry me until I told her about my cross-dressing. So I told her, and I thought she understood. It wasn’t until later that I realized she didn’t. Later on, she denied that I told her. When she caught me cross-dressing, she just went ballistic. We had two sons together.

It took me until 1987 to realize that not only was I a cross-dresser, but I was transsexual. When I told my parents that I wanted to transition, my mother looked at me and said, “I only wish you were just gay.” My father had diabetes and Alzheimer’s and he wasn’t in that great of shape. My mother insisted that I not see him ever again. So I lived five miles from the house that I grew up in and I couldn’t even go in the house. I’d drive by and I’d see my father out in the yard and my mother outside.

I didn’t start transitioning until 1992, when I started taking hormones. I started living full time as a woman in 1997. My wife and I separated and then got a legal divorce the next year. I moved from Arizona to Atlanta in 2000. I quickly got involved in activism and became the executive director of Trans=Action, Georgia’s trans advocacy organization, and became a member of the Pride Parade’s color guard. In 2003, I co-founded the Transgender American Veterans Association and later became the first transgender person from Georgia to be a delegate for the Democratic National Convention.

In 2004, my father was dying. I was waiting in an airport to take a flight out there and I got a call from my son saying that my father had just died. So I never got to look into his eyes and tell him that I loved him to his face.

My mother and I now have been much better. The relationship with my sons has been rocky and then good, then rocky and then good. When my oldest son joined the Marines and got out of boot camp, our relationship was a lot better because I was in the military, so that brought us closer together. My youngest son and I have always had some problems, but I think it’s a little better now. He’s the father of my only grandchild.

Both of my sons are married to Hispanic women, which I find very cool. My wife and I were very good about accepting diversity, at least diversity in race. My wife wasn’t so good about diversity in gender identity issues. My sons had friends of all different races throughout the course of their lives, and that is one of the things that I’m very proud of.

There’s a lot of humor in this life — a heck of a lot of it that people don’t seem to understand. Last year I was in California for my oldest son’s wedding, so you can imagine what that was like. “Um, this is my dad, Monica.” We’ve got CNN on our television at work and stories about people like Chaz Bono might come up, and there’s all sorts of discussion — and they turn to me and ask me questions about this stuff. I find it interesting that I can help educate my co-workers. They treat me with respect.

There are quite a few misconceptions about transsexual people. A lot of people think that a person who wants to dress up as a woman is gay. That’s a big misconception. Gender identity has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. There are transsexuals who are homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual and asexual. There are drag queens who are not gay.

There is blatant discrimination against transgender people, especially in Georgia. Employers will tell you, “We’re not going to hire you, because you’re a freak.” And they can get away with it. The state of Georgia doesn’t care. That’s why we need a national law.

It’s been over 12 years that I’ve been living as Monica. When I finally accepted and believed that I was a woman, I became a lot more confident in myself, and it made a big difference in a lot of other things that I do. You just reach a point where you can live your life like you would want to, no matter what.

There has been a lot of talk lately about transsexuals and the procedure known as “transitioning.”  However, it seems that the only segment of a person’s transition which many want to focus on deals with just one part of this intense process, the physical transition.

The physical transition only encompasses the “technical” aspect of a transsexual’s life, where changes are made to the body to finally become the person they should have been born as.  Some call their transsexualism a “birth defect,” while others consider it a blessing.  But, no matter how one views it, making the physical changes are very important, but it does not mean they have completed their total transition.

Since much has been written about the physical transition, I’m going to focus on the other three, which in some ways could be more important.  They are the “emotional transition,” the “psychological transition” and the “spiritual transition.”

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The psychological and emotional transitions are so intertwined that I will talk about them together.  These two transitions can be a life-long process, based on all of the factors in a person’s life and their personality, affected by all that preceded their physical transition.   Their family history, job history, relationship history, social history, and even their military history can affect the psychological and emotional transitions that a transsexual goes through.

Some transsexuals experience fear, anger, paranoia, jealousy, selfishness, narcissism, depression, violence and even self-destructive tendencies.  Drug use, alcohol abuse and unsafe sex happen often in the lives of some transsexuals.  Some feel sad, some feel lonely and others think the whole world is out to get them.

One reading this might think that transsexuals can be a truly screwed up bunch of people.  That would be far from the truth.  Transsexuals can also be happy, content, giving, up beat, helpful, loving, generous, considerate, kind and caring.  Our course, like the complexity of the human race, transsexuals usually have a mixture of what I mentioned in the previous paragraph and in this paragraph.

Many trans people came from loving homes, have a spouse and children who love them, even after the physical transition ended.  Many become active in the local community, the community at large, political organizations, their places of worship, their schools and their jobs.  And yet, too many experienced sexual, physical, emotional, mental and even religious abuse as young children.  Like non-trans people who have also had those experiences, the scars follow them through life.

Hey!  Transsexuals can have all the same personality traits, psychological issues and emotions problems as found in the rest of the human population.  A person’s gender issues can, in some cases, enhance some of the problems mentioned above, or have no affect at all.  All of human nature has to go through various degrees of psychological and emotional transition to make it through life.  Transsexuals are no different in many respects.

When people try to put highly complex humans in neat little boxes, they fail miserably.  Even if a person places themselves in a box, their psychological and emotional transitions may cause them to have to expand that box, or move to a completely new one.  “Change” remains the only constant in people’s lives.

A life in stagnation leads to issues that will usually enhance the negative aspect of a person’s psyche and emotions.  Moving forward – transitioning – allows growth in many areas.  Transsexuals pride themselves in how well they make things happen in their physical transition.  Some even brag about it or belittle others for the slowness of their transition, or the lack thereof.  Sadly, many fail to put the same effort into their psychological and emotional transitions as they do in their physical one.  Have they really transitioned at all?  Does their anger really make their transitions more fulfilling?  I wonder.

I saved the fourth one for last.  One also needs to make a spiritual transition to truly complete the journey they started as a young child.  This usually becomes a very complicated transition, one that can be as diverse as human beings themselves.  A spiritual transition may involve an established religion, maybe a form of internal spirituality, or something as simple as being one with oneself or a higher power.  Spiritually comes from within and does not need to ever be expressed to anyone else.  However, some feel more spiritual in comfortable surroundings with others.

I have a good friend who identifies as an atheist, yet through the strife she has experienced in her life, she has become more spiritual without the need to believe in an omnipotent being.  She says “Love” is her higher power.  I have to say that because of that specific higher power in her life, I have seen her transition in a spiritual way that has made a big difference in her life.  Others may not need such an intense spiritual transition, but this change worked for my friend.  Her spiritual transition has opened my eyes at all of the possibilities that exist.

Through all of these four transitions, where do I place myself?  As far as the physical transition, it’s been not so satisfying at best.  I have no difficulty passing, and have been accepted in women’s spaces very easily for the last decade, but I am selective on where I will go and under what circumstances.  I haven’t stopped this transition, by no means, but Fate has stopped it for me.  It can’t stop me forever.  A majority of transsexuals understand my dilemma and frustration, but others don’t.  Their opinion is not MY problem, but theirs.

However, when it comes to my psychological, emotional and spiritual transitions, I am in a far better place than I have been in my entire life.  Many people helped me transition in those areas, and they continue to help today.  Even though I am the happiest I have ever been in my life and have come a long way, I’m willing to admit I will never be totally done with any of those transitions.  No one ever finishes those three.  Only death stops the process . . . except maybe . . . the spiritual transition.

For any transsexual who says they are done with their (physical) transition, they forget that life has much more in store for them.  Like all other human beings, we never stop “transitioning,” because that’s Life.

I’m sure that many of the readers have been in a situation where they needed to make a left turn at an intersection with a left-turn arrow that lasts so short that only two or three cars can get through at a time, and you sit fifteen cars back. The other lights last for over two minutes each, making it a long wait before you can “transition” to the direction you needed to go. Frustration sets in, especially if you’re late for something. Many transsexuals can also get stuck in transition, waiting for their “trip” to be over. Is there such a thing as being stuck in transition?

First of all, in order to understand why a transsexual feels they get stuck in transition, you need to know the definition “transition.” There isn’t one. No real definition for transition can actually exist, because like a person’s gender identity and gender expression, how they define “transition” or “transitioning” becomes as personal as wearing cotton or silk underwear . . . or none at all. Since each person gets to decide what transition means to them, then no definition or description would be wrong. What we see as “wrong” takes place when a person feels their definition of transition has to be the only one other people have to follow in order to be correct.

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The nickel version of the word “transition” would be when a person changes from living as one sex to another. Surgery does not end that form of transition. Many post-op transsexuals will tell you that they never stop transitioning. The $2 version says that surgery defines the end of transition. So, to those people, pre-ops and non-ops are either not transitioning, or they have not finished. Others will even point out that a transsexual “transition” doesn’t really exist, because life is an endless form of transition unto itself and transsexuals just took a more unique direction in life.

This means that for some, they cannot be stuck in something that to them doesn’t exist, or that has no real beginning or end to it. Others do feel they have become stuck in transition, since they have not reached what they perceive as the end. Some reasons that cause this feeling would be financial, medical, personal or a spouse.

Financial:
If I embraced the idea of myself being stuck in transition, then this would be the area I would fall under. Not everybody has a 401K to draw upon, tons of credit card balance, a six-figure salary or a house to sell or take a second mortgage on. Many have taken second and third jobs to afford surgery, but not everyone can physically or mentally handle living for one or two years under that situation. This, of course, would be affective if one doesn’t have a lot of bills or child support to cut into their savings.

Personally, I had bills that my ex gave to me when we divorced and a court-order payroll deduction for child support. I gave my ex enough in child support to pay for surgery twice. But, because my two sons turned out to be wonderful men, I see that as money well spent.

However, my trusting nature caused me to help someone and they took advantage of me, making me lose all of my savings. I got “stuck in transition” because of that and not my sons.

Medical:
I don’t think many trans people have much of an issue when a person cannot have surgery because of medical reasons. Many reasons can keep a person from getting surgery, such as a heart condition, cancer, advanced diabetes, and HIV for an example. Smokers may get turned down, as well as anyone who might be overweight or who show an allergic reaction to anesthesia. Just because a person has the money doesn’t get them a spot on the table. But, not all surgeons have these strict requirements, so money does make it possible for people with medical issues.

In spite of all the medical reason that could prevent a person from going under the knife, I have heard some post-ops even give these transsexuals a hard time, calling them all kinds of names and saying they aren’t real transsexuals. They forget that, “There for the grace of God go I.”

Personal:
Some people have very strong reasons for not getting surgery that has nothing to do with financial, marriage of medical reasons. A fear of surgery, needles or being cut by a scalpel will keep a person from finishing transition. For them, being non-op becomes the only way to live, even if they live full-time. We should respect their decision.

Under this, we also include job situations. If working in an industry that would make life miserable, then people may not get a chance to finish their transition. In hard economic times, just having a job is important to a person’s well-being and the survival of themselves and their family. Some transsexuals bite the bullet to keep a roof over the heads of them and their family. “There’s always next year.”

My best friend is a truck driver, getting into the business after losing her job after 9/11. Getting a job did not come easy, but getting a Commercial Driver’s License did. But, unfortunately, the trucking industry is dominated by red necks and bigots. Those who fall into the LGBT community, women and liberal-thinking people are in the minority. Many transsexuals have completed transition in the trucking industry, but many have had to postpone it to the point of frustration. My best friend is one of them.

If a person owns their own business, then that could also make transition a difficult path to take, especially if their business depends on being very visible to their customers. Changing to another field of work does not happen very easily, in spite of what people like to think.

Marriage Issues:
As strong as the other three, marriage issues can keep a person from finishing a transition. When a couple has been married for twenty, thirty or even forty years, they become one. Breaking them up would cause the other one to go into a deep depression. The trans person would hold off completing transition for the love for their partner, especially if that partner cannot see themselves in a same-sex relationship.

Another part of this I have seen recently is where the trans person promised their spouse twenty years ago that they would never take hormones or seek surgery based on their life situation at that time. But, time has a habit to changing things. Twenty years ago, the trans person had no idea what the future held for them. Now, a promise made back in the 1980s has come back to haunt both of them. For them, the future maybe a much harder road to travel, but I hope they make it through this.

Life does not treat everyone equally. The chance to complete a transition where surgery becomes the goal does not happen at a high percentage of time. Too many hurdles stand in the way of this journey. Those who can get it all need to understand that they happen to be the lucky ones. Life put them in the right place at the right time, but it could have been different. They need to thank their maker for their good fortune. Remember, life can turn on a dime . . . for anyone.

By Donna Rose

Donna has been a long-time friend of mine since the early days of our transition in Arizona. We may not always see eye-to-eye, but we have remained friends through some tough times.

It seems that every year or two there is an article somewhere that some scientist or doctor has identified a biological “cause” for being gay or transgender. These kinds of things seem to get a significant amount of attention and then fade into obscurity until the next bombshell discovery is made. In 1993 there was much fanfare over an article published in Science magazine about the discovery of a “gay gene.” Did that settle the question of whether or not sexuality is biological or learned? Of course not. That investigation continues today.

The most recent revelation in this regard is a report out of Australia that scientists there have found a genetic link for transsexualism. This kind of research is looking to provide conclusive proof about something that many of us already know – that there is a biological connection to development of gender identity. Although many of us get excited and get our hopes up when we see this kind of news, I doubt any of us are naive enough to believe that this will be the be-all, end-all of research in that regard.

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Specifically, this report says that their research showed a group of transsexual volunteers were more likely to have a longer version of the androgen receptor gene. This genetic difference may cause weaker testosterone signals and therefore have other implications regarding the development of gender identity.

It should come as no surprise that, like many other topics dealing with transgender issues, this discussion often inflames passions. I’ll admit that I gave up looking for the causes of my own dissonance several years ago recognizing that the causes were less important than the actions to address it. However, there is a large segment of the community for whom finding causes is very important. There are any number of legal, medical, insurance implications that may be justified if and when a biological “cause” is found.

One article reporting this research is titled “Transgender People Validated By Aussie Research.”

Hopefully these findings will not only help better educate society, but also those in the medical profession who treat those born with gender dysphoria.

Many transgender people have believed for the longest time that biology had been the cause. I myself believe this as my earliest memories were that of wanting to be a girl even before I learnt to spell. Hopefully further studies like this will prove beyond a shadow of doubt that the phenomenon is a natural occurrence, leading to social acceptance of transgender people.

Although I applaud this research and hope the it leads to the kind of broader acceptance that the article describes, I can’t help but chafe at the notion that any of us need to be validated by medical research. Our validation comes in many ways, and certainly identifying some sort of concrete biological link would help in that regard, but that’s not our only hope. In this day and age of 21st century marvels, simple concepts like “I think, therefore I am” still apply.

The title of this article is an example of the dangerous notion that somehow science or medicine needs to be involved in order to make something “real.” Whether we find definitive proof or not doesn’t negate, lessen, or invalidate things that we know to be true about ourselves. There’s no test for “Love,” yet nobody questions as to whether it’s real or not. And to question the existence of God because there is arguably no scientific proof of some supreme being is to invite attack from all directions. The point is that, although there may well be some biological connection for many of us, that’s not all there is.

One of the challenges is that there is no one “cause” for being transgender. Although it’s a self-diagnosed condition it’s far more complicated than having a single universal cause. In fact, if they somehow developed some kind of a litmus test where you could pee in a cup and determine whether or not you had this transgender “gene” I’d urge that people be very wary of taking it. What would you do if you knew yourself to be transgender but the test indicated otherwise?

The underlying concept here is one of validation. Many of us want to be validated in a way that provides physical proof for our situation. Without it we find ourselves constantly on the defensive about whether or not this is a “choice,” or a “lifestyle,” or some sort of mental illness. Without hard undeniable evidence many feel unable to effectively blunt attacks that continue to stigmatize and undermine efforts to integrate into broader society. However, none of us can be so naive as to believe that acceptance is going to magically happen once definitive proof is found. Proof is in the eye of the beholder, and there will always be those who choose to doubt.

Still, this kind of thing is another step in the movement towards broader acceptance. One thing I do find interesting, however, is that all of the internet news reporting on this is out of India, Australia and the UK so far. There has been very sparse US-based reporting of it yet. Coincidence? I think not.

“Yer a cute girl.”

“I’ll let our mechanic take a look at this.”

“You still have a penis?  Then you’re not really a woman.”

Yes, in order to communicate as a human being, we need to label things to give other people a better understanding on what it is we are talking about.  If it weren’t for labels, we wouldn’t find the right foods in the grocery store.  We have to have labels to take the correct drugs, in the correct combination and at the correct time.  Harsh chemicals need labels to keep us from thinking we can use them in our mix drinks.  Labels not only help make our lives easier, but safer.

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I’m sure the label “trannie” has a different meaning for an auto mechanic then it does for a transgender person.  However, there can be a bit of confusion when the mechanic is also a transgender person.

This need to label everything extends to labeling people.  If you thought about it, it would take you a long time to write down all the labels associated with you over the course of your life.  For those who believe that life starts at conception, then you can say you were labeled a “fertilized egg,” all the ways through to now being labeled “an old codger.”   Are you part of a family?  Then you could be a parent, father, mother, brother, sister, child, sibling, aunt, uncle, cousin, niece, nephew, and in some cases, all of those.

Because of how important labels are in our lives, it is the mindset of all humans that everything has to have a label and it seems that the label they give that object is the absolute defining one as far as they are concern.  It doesn’t matter that the object has a different label for it in every language on the planet.  “My label is the right one, damnit, because I’m speaking English!”  Okay, no one really says that, but I get the impression some think it.

It appears to me that humans have a natural undying urge to label people and put them in various boxes for their own benefit and not out of respect for those people.  Because of that, many people think that you have to accept the boxes they put you in because they say it’s the absolute defining label for you.  This inflexible mindset has the most profound affect on the transgender community, affecting our core identity on a daily basis.

This being a highly patriarchal society, gender labels hinge on the present of a penis, or the lack there of.  “Iffin’ ya got one, yer a man or a boy, and iffin’ ya don’t, yer a girl.”  (Notice the word “woman” doesn’t even factor into this patriarchal way of thinking.)  This is so strongly engrained in our DNA that there are a lot of trans people today who have bought into this patriarchal garbage hook, line and sinker.  Some people seem to think that they get to decide what label you get saddled with based on a four-ounce body part no one in public should see.  The person’s gender identity or expression has nothing to do with it.

If a person wants to label me something, does that mean I have to live with their decision?  Will I die if I’m called a man?  I’m not talking about transgender hate crimes, which can result from people who hate those because of the labels they assume we have.  Labels by themselves cannot kill me, nor am I stuck with living my life based on what labels others call me or think of me.  Labels cannot harm anyone else either, yet, I get the impression all the time that a label can destroy other people’s lives simply by its existence.  I have not seen that happening to anyone as of yet.  Maybe some labels have C4 attached to them.  Does that mean terrorists will start using label for IEDs?  “Incoming label!”

Let me pick a label out of thin air to use as an example.  Let’s see . . . how about “transgender.”  No one ever talks about that label.  In some languages, the word “transgender” translates to their version of “transsexual.”  (See: http://babelfish.yahoo.com/ and try various combinations.)  When reading a translated description of a transsexual murdered in a Spanish speaking country, I noticed the label “travesit” or “travesits,” a derivative of “transvestite,” is used a lot.  To them, it’s not a derogatory label.  A prime example of this is the name of the trans advocacy organization in Argentina, called “Asociacion Travesits Transexuales Transgénero.”

There has been a successful movement by LGBT people to reclaim and embrace the label “queer.”  Hate groups can no longer use queer as a slur to most of us, so they used other labels for their nasty comments.  I doubt there will ever be a movement in the American transgender community to reclaim the label “transvestite,” especially since many transsexuals don’t even like the label “transgender.”

I have read reams and reams of web pages on why the label “transgender” is such a harmful word that should never be used, none of which can be substantiated.  This stems from the widely accepted definition of the word, “transgender,” which serves as an umbrella term for ALL people who have or are currently crossing the gender lines, either permanently or temporarily.  When use that way, some groups don’t like the idea of sharing space with people who are not labeled like them.  One person once told me, “Define the label, but don’t let the label define you.”  Some people must think this label defines them, yet they have full control over all of this.  In my opinion, by getting upset with something like a label relinquishes their control over their own identity and gives that control to others.

Some people also based their hatred toward this label on the fact that a 100 year-old crossdresser supposedly invented it, which makes it flawed.  She didn’t invent it, but she used it a lot.  Sadly, when it comes to the origin of certain labels, history gets blurred and changed far too often.  History, like beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder.

I have also read where the label “transgender” should be used in certain context, but not in others, and that we all have to abide by this hard, fast “rule.” in the use of this word.  Why?  It’s just a label.  I read where one person said that if a crossdresser did not go out into public, then they were really not a transgender person.  Where did they get that?  A label only means something to those people who seem to be obsessed with treating them like battering rams, swords, or poisonous insects.  “No!  Don’t go into the transgender light!”  Too late.

Labels have their place in our community, as long as people don’t get married to them.  When a person commits to using one label over another, they have a tendency of spending a lot of time defending their decision and chastising those who don’t use the label in the same fashion they do.  This is where those extended comments occur on certain postings, most of which are not on subject.  This reminds me.  Are you aware that trans people are masters at trigonometry?  They like to go off on tangents.  Pythagoras must have been trans.  (That was my intentional tangent or this article.)

To me, labels are part of my “activism toolbox.”  Like other tools, I use a label to perform a certain job and when I’m done with it, I wipe it off and put it back in the tool box.  I have found that when talking to some people, they understand the word “transsexual” better than “transgender,” so that’s the tool I use.  With others, I have to switch their use.  I also use “transgender” as an adjective and not a noun, like the words “transgenders” and “transgendered.”  Transgender American is a good label for me.  But, no matter what I use, I’m not married to that label like others seem to be, nor do I let it define me.

This is a subject that will be hashed over long after I’m dead.  Some people will insist that a label is “evil,” while others will spend gigabytes of web space trying to tell others what labels are to be used, for which people and under what circumstances.  Seems a waste of time.  The only label that really means anything to me is “Monica,” since I paid money for it.  And, the best time I like hearing that label used is when my girlfriend calls me to bed.  At that moment, I could care less what other labels people want to attach to me.

“Coming, dear.”

No, the “Big O” is not about orgasms, or “Oprah,” or “Overstock.com.”  This is about another Big O that is specific to pre-operative male-to-female transsexuals, one called an “Orchiectomy,” also called “Orchie” for short.   Other words that are used to describe the procedure are; “gelding, neutering” and “orchidectomy.”  In other words, “castration.”

One of the biggest health risks facing pre-op and non-op transsexuals is the same one that faces post-menopausal women: taking too much estrogen and testosterone blockers.  There have been many studies done on the negative affects of estrogen and progesterone on a woman’s body over the years, some as recent as this year.  On the ABC News, March 4, 2008, they had a story on how the affects of estrogen still lingers after a person stops taking it, specifically with breast cancer.

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Besides breast cancer, estrogen has a tendency of thickening a person’s blood, which can cause clots, leading to possible heart attacks and strokes.   It can also cause bone density lost.  The current studies show that the risk of blood clotting lessens when a person stops taking estrogen, but the risk for breast cancer still remains high.

When a transsexual woman has sex reassignment surgery (SRS) or an orchiectomy, the need to block testosterone is gone and the amount of estrogen needed to maintain a healthy level is drastically reduced.  I have heard of some trans women who stopped taking estrogen all together, or changed to an estrogen substitute after one of these surgeries.  This is one of several benefits for SRS or an orchie.

These studies are important to me because I have been on hormones for over 11 years now.  When I started, the negative side affects for estrogen had barely been studied.  Not a lot of information on the health issues had been revealed and any negative affects were easily brush aside.

But, I can no longer turn a blind eye to what estrogen and progesterone have been doing to my body over the years.  Stopping hormones without stopping testosterone from being made can cause kidney and liver damage, as well as the emotional affects brought on by unbalanced hormones.  I’m between a rock and a hard place as far as my health is concern.

Since I am not financially ready for SRS and the company I work for won’t cover it, then I decided to go the route of getting an orchie.  It is a common and inexpensive procedure to treat testicular cancer and is usually covered by most medical insurance.  I figured the company I work for covered this surgery, but things weren’t going to work out that way.

I am not writing this article to chastise the Fortune 500 Company I work for, so I will not reveal their name.  Some of you may already know, so I request you don’t mention it in the comment section.  For the purpose of this article, I will just use “the Company.”

I have been working for the Company for 18 years now, which means I transitioned on the job.  I was told they would not tolerate harassment, but what I received was subtle bigotry by my coworkers.  As I started getting more involved in activism, I decided to see if the Company would add “gender identity and gender expression” in the EEO policy.  After six years of asking, in 2005, they finally put in “gender identity” without even saying anything.  Up until then, I would get a phone call from the head of HR telling me, “We will not discriminate for any reason.”  They called rather than sending me an E-mail so they wouldn’t have any paper trail of our conversation.

I put them to the test on their commitment to this four years ago when an endocrinologist coded a lab test for Gender Identity Disorder, yet he had never done that in the past.  The medical insurance company denied the claim and the doctor’s office refused to change the code to what they used in the past.  I refused to pay the bill and they sent me to collections.

After discussing this with the insurance company, they told me that if the Company told them to pay for this, they would.  I first went to HR to remind them that I was told that they would not discriminate for any reason.  If other people in the Company who got the same lab tests and had them paid for, then I should have mine paid for as well.  HR told Benefits to handle this.

Things bogged down at that point.  They had to “do research” to see if they should cover this, while in the meantime, the collections agency kept calling me.  It took six months of being harassed by the collection agency and calling the Benefits office each time to have them finally tell the insurance company to pay the doctor.

Now it’s 2008 and there are new HR and Benefits people.  After seeing all the scary news on how estrogen harms the body, I decided to see if my medical doctor saw a need for me to get an orchie and I figured the insurance company would pay for it.  However, I have been listed as “female” by the Company and the insurance company for the last 11 years, even though everyone knows of my status.

There are a lot of benefits to be listed as female when it has come to my health.  But, getting an orchie is not one of them.  Females do not have testicles, so in the beginning of all of this, the insurance company told the doctor’s insurance person, “This would be considered a transsexual procedure and therefore, cosmetic.”

In the orchiectomy procedure, the doctor removes the inside of the testicles, but there are no “cosmetic” benefits from this.  Then there is the cost comparison between an ochie and treatment for breast cancer, heart attacks or strokes.  These are very expensive procedures.  Not only am I trying to protect my health, but I am trying to save the company a lot of money in the future.  An orchie can be between $1000 and $4000, depending where a person goes.  Treating me for a heart attack or a stroke can be 50 to 100 times that amount.

After the Benefits person talked with the insurance company, they decided to do a “benefits review” and would send me a letter in 3 days.  When I received the letter they said they were denying the surgery, but had a paragraph at the bottom of the letter that said it could be sent back with more medical information.

The doctor’s insurance person got the same letter and when she called them, they told her that what she read was part of the “form letter” portion of the letter.”  They then said the reason for denial was simply, “We don’t cover that.”  There was no medical decision involved, nor any amount of medical proof would change their minds.  This looks a lot like the denial of payment for the lab test.

There is more to all of this.  Last summer, there was a major discussion with the Company and several people, trying to convince them to cover SRS.  We had all kinds of examples of the low overall cost and the frequency of people applying for the surgery.  They decided not to cover it.  I’m sure that decision affected me and my request for an orchie.

On top of all of this, the Company has a 100% rating by the HRC Corporate Equality Index.  To get that rating, they have to say “Yes” to the question of whether they provide various transsexual services, including surgeries.  Most of us would read that as meaning SRS, but a few years back, we discovered that if they cover hysterectomies for women, then trans men are supposed to be covered.  An orchie falls into that same category.  However, if a trans woman is listed as female or a trans man is listed as male, then the insurance companies my Company uses won’t cover them.  As your read earlier, they called them, “transsexual surgeries.”

I called HRC and left a voice message to a person involved with HRC’s CEI to have my Company’s index number reduced, but a week later, I still haven’t heard back from them.  Then on April 15, I received a form E-mail from them and this is what they said:

“Thanks for contacting the Human Rights Campaign Foundation. The Corporate Equality Index requires the following transgender-related criteria of an employer in order to receive a 100% rating:

• A non-discrimination/EEO policy that includes gender identity and/or expression;
• Insurance includes access for transitioning individuals for at least one category: Counseling by a mental health professional; pharmacy benefits covering hormone therapy; medical visits to monitor the effects of hormone therapy and other associated lab procedures; medically necessary surgical procedures such as hysterectomy; or short-term disability leave for surgical procedures; and diversity training that is inclusive of gender identity OR has supportive gender transition guidelines.”

What?  “At least ONE Category?”  Companies need to cover ALL of those categories and not “at least one category.”  This really shows how much of a farce the HRC Corporate Equality Index truly is.  Companies can do just one little insignificant thing that falls into one of those categories and they’re rewarded with the coveted 100%.  Because my company covers just a few of those categories and not some of the important ones, they get their 100%, while I am still at risk for heart attacks, strokes and breast cancer.  This is BS to the Nth degree.

I also see an issue where the insurance company is violating my Company’s EEO Policy by discriminating against me based on my gender identity.  Looking up the insurance company in the HRC Corporate Equality Index, I find they also have “gender identity” in their EEO Policy.  Oh, wait, I guess they can violate their EEO policy when it comes to their “customers.”  I have contacted Lambda Legal on this to get their advice and Cole Thaler sent me letters that worked for other people in a similar situation.

I still cannot understand why Benefits will not tell the insurance company to cover this like they did for the lab test.  On March 14, the Benefits person said that it will be from one to two weeks before the official appeal process would be over.  I also contacted HR on the possible EEO Policy violation, but they haven’t said anything as of April 14.

When I got back from vacation and went to work on April 9, I had an E-mail from the Benefits person saying the appeal was once again denied.  However, this time the reason was the insurance company didn’t see this as medically necessary.  Just like we have heard other people experiencing, I have an insurance company telling doctors they don’t know crap about their profession.  This has now become another American insurance company fiasco, and it’s not even an HMO.

The urologists’ office canceled the surgery until they get the ok to cover it.  This has not been a pleasant journey for me over the last several weeks.  I won’t stay quiet on this.  My doctor is ready to mount another attempt with the letters form Lambda Legal and my Pastor and I are ready to approach this in the Soul Force fashion.

I felt it was important to bring to light the problems that I am facing at my job when trying to protect my health.  There maybe others who will encounter this problem, so I figured they need a heads up on what to expect.  I’m wondering.  Since they have me listed as “female” in the system, should I ask them to cover me for a hysterectomy?