Trans Universe

By Monica F. Helms

I set this vacation aside to fly to San Diego so I could attend the wedding of my oldest son, Robert. Just so happened, the weekend had been also set aside by the planners of Southern Comfort for their yearly conference. I would miss seeing all of my friends by not being at SCC, but I would be spending time with friends and family in Southern California. I felt there would probably be disadvantages and advantages to both, and at the end, my feelings turned out correct.

Day One: My vacation actually started a day before I flew out to San Diego, giving me time to get ready for the trip. But, a day that would seem rather dull and mundane turned out to be an interesting one after all. Around 3 PM, I picked up my ex-girlfriend at the airport, because she came into town to attend Southern Comfort.

It felt nice to see Karen again, but the strong love I had for her had changed to a deep friendship. This friendship went far deeper and more diverse then our relationship had ever been. I still have a love for her, but it is the same kind of love I have for the few other people I call my best friends.

(Break)

Karen and I had dinner, then we talked for awhile. She got to meet my sweet cat, Aragorn and he took to her rather quickly. Karen also owns a wonderful cat. Afterwards, we went to the Marietta Billiards Club, where we played several games of pool. She won most of them. Damn. After we finished, I drove her back to the hotel where SCC took place and I headed home to finish my packing.

Day Two: I got up early and drove to the Marta station at the mall just down the street from the hotel where Karen stayed. I figured if she needed transportation for any reason, she could use my car. It seemed to have worked out, because she did see a need to use it at one time. The rest of the time, she kept it in the hotel parking garage, which saved me money.

It took me a little longer to get to the airport then I planned, which meant I made it to the gate just as my zone boarded. The flight to San Diego lasted over four hours and I didn’t feel comfortable sitting in those cramped seats on the airplane for that long.

San Diego weather felt so warm that the long-sleeved top I wore made me feel hot. I rented my car and drove down to spend time with my good friend and fellow veteran, Autumn Sandeen. She was kind to put me up for the two days preceding the wedding and I cannot thank her enough for doing so.

That evening, I got to spend time with Brynn Craffey, a trans man who contributes to The Bilerico Project on a regular basis. His writing has always intrigued me, so I figured while in the San Diego area, I would look him up. That evening, we had an amazing conversation on all kinds of subjects, but it’s too bad we live so far apart. I would have loved to talk with him more on a regular basis, because he has done so much in his life.

Day Three: I had lunch with Ben Gomez, the president of the San Diego Chapter of the American Veterans for Equal Rights (AVER) and his partner, Jeffrey Redondo, a member of the San Diego Pride Committee. They told me about the entire goings on with California Prop 8 and other important events in the Southern California area. I smiled when they told me they would be getting married on that Sunday. I hope many people contribute to the defeat of Prop 8, as well as the one in Florida and the Constitution amendment in Arizona.

I spent the afternoon grocery shopping with Autumn at the Navy base commissary, helping her stock up for the next month. Since she recently had gastric by-pass surgery, she has to eat much healthier then she had in the past, meaning a lot of fresh fruit, vegetables and other items. I have to say that she has done rather well, because she looks half the size from when I last saw her. It has helped her overall health since getting the surgery.

Not too long after we came home and put away all of the groceries, the Vice Presidential Debate took place. We sat down with popcorn and watched the train wreck known as Sarah Palin try to derail the Obama-Biden campaign. She had her stupid folksy sayings and winks at the camera that must have made the Religious Right morons all wetting their pants with delight. I got sick watching it. “You betcha.”

Day Four: This Friday turned out to be a special day. After saying my good-byes to Autumn, I headed 30 miles north to Carlsbad, CA, where I got myself a motel room and prepared for the rehearsal dinner that would take place later at Fidel’s Norte, a beautiful Mexican restaurant near the ocean.

That evening, I got to see my two sons, Robert and Bryan, for the first time since April. Along with my sons, there were other family relatives and my ex-wife, Donna. We had a wonderful time at Fidel’s Norte, even though my ex and I had to pay for the dinner. I can see my son was marrying into a great family.

That evening, I drove south to a gay nightclub because someone told me they had “Lady’s Night.” They indeed had many women there, but they all appeared as young or younger then my sons. They did, however, had free pool tables, so I got a chance to play a little.

Day Five: Saturday was the wedding day. I could quickly tell that the stress of the day pressed heavily on Robert, shortly after I had my hair done. He told me the wedding started at 5 PM, so I thought I had plenty of time to rest and get ready. But, at 2 PM, he called me and said I had to be at the hotel by 3:30 for pictures. I had to run around to get ready and did not feel happy with the final results. I made it in time, but had my pictures taken a half hour later.

Here is a link to pictures taken by my sister Julie and her daughter, Katie.

The wedding looked beautiful. Olivia made a gorgeous bride and looked thrilled. I cried, like all the other women in my family and Olivia’s family. My sons have always made me proud and this wedding made me feel even prouder of both of them.

At the reception, I actually felt alone. I had no special love with me to dance with, to smile with, and to share my joy with. However, my son and his bride were happy and that means more to me than anything else. Maybe one day I will find happiness like my two sons have. Maybe. Just maybe. Until that day, I wish them all the luck in the world.