Comments on: Stuck in Transition http://www.monicahelms.com/blog/transsexuals/stuck-in-transition.htm Going where no blog has gone before. Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:43:23 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Susan Stuart http://www.monicahelms.com/blog/transsexuals/stuck-in-transition.htm/comment-page-1#comment-43338 Susan Stuart Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:19:29 +0000 http://www.monicahelms.com/blog/?p=560#comment-43338 Monica, I am a heterosexual spouse of a transgender MTF. I have been fortunate that even after years of my husband dressing in feminine clothes at home, he introduced this new word "transgender", and suggested that we get counseling together. The reason for the counseling at the time he stated was to help me understand. Through years of counseling, we have been able to communitcate each others concerns, hopes and dreams. We have taken our time in each step of our journey, to consider each others feelings and well-being. Hair removal was one of our first steps that began the same time as counseling. I had never realized how much she hated hair and shaving. We attended support groups learning about other transgender individuals, seeing the wide spectrum of individuals, cross dressers, FTM individuals, androgynous individuals, pre-op, post-op, non-op. This along with counseling helped my spouse see where she fit and find what would make her happy. I may not fully understand everything, but the one thing I do understand is that my spouse's quality of life is so much better when she is a she. She started hormones and is enjoying the subtle changes, skin softening, fat resdistribution, breast development. Even though I fell in love with a man, the person inside is the same person, possibly better. My spouse doesn't want SRS. She is still the love of my life and the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with. She only wants to be who she really is. It's a quality of life issue and I want only the best for my life partner. We are a loving couple and that's all that matters! Susan Monica,

I am a heterosexual spouse of a transgender MTF. I have been fortunate that even after years of my husband dressing in feminine clothes at home, he introduced this new word “transgender”, and suggested that we get counseling together. The reason for the counseling at the time he stated was to help me understand. Through years of counseling, we have been able to communitcate each others concerns, hopes and dreams. We have taken our time in each step of our journey, to consider each others feelings and well-being. Hair removal was one of our first steps that began the same time as counseling. I had never realized how much she hated hair and shaving.

We attended support groups learning about other transgender individuals, seeing the wide spectrum of individuals, cross dressers, FTM individuals, androgynous individuals, pre-op, post-op, non-op. This along with counseling helped my spouse see where she fit and find what would make her happy. I may not fully understand everything, but the one thing I do understand is that my spouse’s quality of life is so much better when she is a she.

She started hormones and is enjoying the subtle changes, skin softening, fat resdistribution, breast development. Even though I fell in love with a man, the person inside is the same person, possibly better. My spouse doesn’t want SRS. She is still the love of my life and the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with. She only wants to be who she really is. It’s a quality of life issue and I want only the best for my life partner.

We are a loving couple and that’s all that matters!

Susan

]]> By: Jenna http://www.monicahelms.com/blog/transsexuals/stuck-in-transition.htm/comment-page-1#comment-41195 Jenna Mon, 06 Apr 2009 14:15:13 +0000 http://www.monicahelms.com/blog/?p=560#comment-41195 I really enjoyed your post here. I am a post-op M2F transsexual and I can tell you that for me, transition did not end at surgery. In fact, I can say that my life is still a work in progress, but I like it that way. Not long after my surgery I became very despondent feeling like I had been sold a bill of goods that didn't turn out to be true after all. Then I remembered that life is what we make of it and we must make the best of every day, avoid drama and energy vampires and anything that steals our happiness. Reaching out to someone who has self-inflicted pain over their own unfulfilled dreams is a noble thing to do, but in the end quite draining. I'm not saying it's not worth it... but I am saying be prepared for the consequences. That self-inclusive, of course. Had I not been so despondent over my own "results" I would not have become an energy-vampire/drama-queen myself. We are very creative creatures and what we create will come back to us. Make sure what you create is something worth creating! So, I got a little off subject here but I guess I'm just giving good praise for a really well-expressed concept. Peace, Jenna I really enjoyed your post here. I am a post-op M2F transsexual and I can tell you that for me, transition did not end at surgery. In fact, I can say that my life is still a work in progress, but I like it that way. Not long after my surgery I became very despondent feeling like I had been sold a bill of goods that didn’t turn out to be true after all.

Then I remembered that life is what we make of it and we must make the best of every day, avoid drama and energy vampires and anything that steals our happiness.

Reaching out to someone who has self-inflicted pain over their own unfulfilled dreams is a noble thing to do, but in the end quite draining. I’m not saying it’s not worth it… but I am saying be prepared for the consequences. That self-inclusive, of course. Had I not been so despondent over my own “results” I would not have become an energy-vampire/drama-queen myself. We are very creative creatures and what we create will come back to us. Make sure what you create is something worth creating!

So, I got a little off subject here but I guess I’m just giving good praise for a really well-expressed concept.

Peace,
Jenna

]]> By: Michelle http://www.monicahelms.com/blog/transsexuals/stuck-in-transition.htm/comment-page-1#comment-41182 Michelle Mon, 06 Apr 2009 13:09:41 +0000 http://www.monicahelms.com/blog/?p=560#comment-41182 I tend to see transition as a learning experience - and it is one that begins when we accept what we need to do, and begin to take steps towards achieving our goals. The "bounded" part of transition - taking those first steps through to living full-time and surgery is easy to quantify - because it does not encompass the inner journey. The inner journey starts before we take any steps, and if we are fortunate, somewhere along the path we develop enough self-awareness to accept that we are always learning and adapting - and that will remain the case. Hopefully we do it consciously, and are aware of our actions and approaches to that experience. Transition really gives a visceral meaning to "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" - EVERY DAY! I tend to see transition as a learning experience – and it is one that begins when we accept what we need to do, and begin to take steps towards achieving our goals.

The “bounded” part of transition – taking those first steps through to living full-time and surgery is easy to quantify – because it does not encompass the inner journey.

The inner journey starts before we take any steps, and if we are fortunate, somewhere along the path we develop enough self-awareness to accept that we are always learning and adapting – and that will remain the case. Hopefully we do it consciously, and are aware of our actions and approaches to that experience.

Transition really gives a visceral meaning to “Today is the first day of the rest of your life” – EVERY DAY!

]]> By: erleclaire http://www.monicahelms.com/blog/transsexuals/stuck-in-transition.htm/comment-page-1#comment-41173 erleclaire Mon, 06 Apr 2009 12:08:47 +0000 http://www.monicahelms.com/blog/?p=560#comment-41173 The issue of Transition and when successfully completed is a bit of a false idea. Yes, we can for a number of reasons not complete things we thought we would need to do. Much of that is driven by expectations and preset ideas of what we need to do. Second is that Transsition is really a life long activity and one really nver gets "there", where ever there may be? The only defining element to Transition is the one that lies between the ears. No one else can say "your done" and when to "come out of the oven." It is our world and ours to individually embrace. Estelle P.S. Yes, didn't forget, I am still trying to return your book! The issue of Transition and when successfully completed is a bit of a false idea. Yes, we can for a number of reasons not complete things we thought we would need to do. Much of that is driven by expectations and preset ideas of what we need to do. Second is that Transsition is really a life long activity and one really nver gets “there”, where ever there may be? The only defining element to Transition is the one that lies between the ears. No one else can say “your done” and when to “come out of the oven.” It is our world and ours to individually embrace.

Estelle

P.S. Yes, didn’t forget, I am still trying to return your book!

]]> By: Roslyn Manley http://www.monicahelms.com/blog/transsexuals/stuck-in-transition.htm/comment-page-1#comment-41058 Roslyn Manley Mon, 06 Apr 2009 00:55:34 +0000 http://www.monicahelms.com/blog/?p=560#comment-41058 Monica . . . As you correctly state, "Transition" has a variety of definitions. In reality, every person transitions and becomes minutely or extremely different from day to day. However, as it applies to we transsexuals, I believe TRANSITIONED is a state when we BECOME ourselves. Perhaps another way of explaining it is when we are comfortable with ourselves . . . when we accept ourselves . . . when we cease thinking of ourselves as transsexual . . . and most importantly, when we cease attempting to become the person that we think society wants us to be. Some transsexuals are TRANSITIONING for many years, and sadly some trans people TRANSITION for many years and some will remain in that state for their whole life . . . always pretending to BE, but forever acting and never becoming. Hormones and surgery, in my mind, play no part in transitioning. TRANSITIONING AND TRANSITIONED, in my view, is always a state of mind. Thank you for your contributions to the cause of acceptance, Be well, Roz Monica . . .

As you correctly state, “Transition” has a variety of definitions. In reality, every person transitions and becomes minutely or extremely different from day to day.

However, as it applies to we transsexuals, I believe TRANSITIONED is a state when we BECOME ourselves. Perhaps another way of explaining it is when we are comfortable with ourselves . . . when we accept ourselves . . . when we cease thinking of ourselves as transsexual . . . and most importantly, when we cease attempting to become the person that we think society wants us to be.

Some transsexuals are TRANSITIONING for many years, and sadly some trans people TRANSITION for many years and some will remain in that state for their whole life . . . always pretending to BE, but forever acting and never becoming.

Hormones and surgery, in my mind, play no part in transitioning. TRANSITIONING AND TRANSITIONED, in my view, is always a state of mind.

Thank you for your contributions to the cause of acceptance,

Be well,
Roz

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