Prior to my transition, my “male” life had been filled with despair and self destruction. Of course, I had moments of triumph and elation, and even love – but i always felt that I was living a lie, and could never truly be open or honest. In that respect, i was seperated from all humanity. i was truly alone. Today, I can recognize that “aloneness” in so many. those who experience it don’t have to be transgender or experience a gender dysphoria. They are only lost, looking for a life where they can experience some comfort and dignity. Some honesty. They need to remove their masks and become the person that God intended them to be….open and honest, responsible and caring.

There is no winning lottery ticket. Those born in the correct gender often just take it for granted. Like those born into wealth, they cannot fully appreciate the advantages. beautiful young men and women can become anorexic, addicted to drugs, and self mutilation, and even suicide. On the flip side, it is natural to appreciate the things you earn, and experience self worth from accomplishment. I am not talking about money in the bank, or an accumulation of wealth. You might as well be playing “mafia wars”. accomplishment is reaching out to others, opening your heart, and doing what you can to make this world a little less lonely, a little more comfortable for everyone. Breaking down the barriers, and being yourself. I cannot but help to think that the world would be a better place if society would follow our lead and enter into a spiritual “transition”.

There are plenty of other perspectives of transition besides the ones you’ve mentioned, albeit perhaps a bit less sweeping in their scope. Things like social transition, professional transition, financial transition, educational transition, fashion transition, etc. Legal transition is a big area of consideration in of itself, and while a bit more cut and dry in nature, can be daunting. I believe that transition should from the beginning have a long-term plan encompassing as much of life as possible.

When I encounter a young person starting their journey, the advice I am always quick to give them is to get an education first. They can transition socially and psychologically, but they should earn a marketable skill before overly concerning themselves with physical transition. An education is the most valuable thing a transsexual can own. Better educated people are more accepting of transpeople, and it is wise to surround yourself with them, and the best way to do that is by becoming one of them. It is better to form a longer term plan, gain an education, get a better paying job, and pay for a better quality physical transition than to sacrifice everything rushing for the illusory prize of SRS. I’ve had some success convincing people of the value of this approach, but I also know someone who spent her college loan money on SRS. This to me is a tragic compromise.

Thanks Monica for writing this.

When people first transition, especially from male to female hey always know every thing and people who have lived it 20-30-40 years are just being cruel when they point out how little the newly transitioned person actually knows.

Then everyone thinks that SRS is the “final” step and many are surprised when they find it is just another stage completed and now another 10 years or so of becoming awaits them.

Then when you are ten years post SRS and you think you have finally got there… I’m an atheist. I don’t believe in spiritual so I’m looking for another way to put this.

Calpernia Addams wrote a piece about transition being a life long thing. I cross posted it with a link back and it upset many people about how transition is a life long thing.

Maybe in a way.. After all this is what Simone de Beauvior hints at in her writing about women from an existential point of view. The becoming.

I know that I grew up, transitioned, had SRS and was an attractive young woman facing the life issues of a young woman.

Now I am becoming an old woman facing the uncertainties that come with age and still I am becoming even though the becoming female is long past now I am in middle age and growing gray with parts that never ached before.

It isn’t transition in the transsexual or transgender sense yet I am going from being a woman viewed by the world in a certain way to becoming a woman viewed by the world in a different way.

Feminism taught me to pride myself on the life time accumulation of wisdom and yet so much of the world sends me the message that old women are past being women and are now only silly old ladies.

I think the RLT in invaluable in this regard. Regret stories are rare, but regret stories from people who didn’t rush are far rarer still. I’m not a believer in any “one true way,” but do think it’s a sign of “arrival” when surgery becomes more a symbolic kind of closure than salvation.

And if people cannot achieve the physical part of it, but they can achieve the other three parts of it, can they be considered as Transsexual?

Lastly, if a person achieves all four stages of Transsexuality, are they more Transsexual than someone who achieves only three stages?

I agree with all four stages you note. But I fear that this also contributes to the stratification of our community into classifications that people use to discredit others who may not want to or are unable to achieve all four stages.

So, is this a good thing or a bad thing for gender diverse people to aspire to?

It occurs to me that LIFE is a continuous transition for EVERYONE. Nobody that I know reaches a particular plane or place in life where they become stagnant and permanently placed. One would need to be brain dead to be there I think.

When I began the final struggle in admitting I was trans and passing through the stages of the physical transition, I was then a transsexual who was transitioning. However, years passed and I BECAME me. By this, I mean that I did not become the woman that others thought I should be, but I became the PERSON I was meant to be.

Having once been very active within transgender advocacy and working closely with other transsexuals, fate had it that I would become a caregiver for a dear female friend. Eight years later, I seldom have contact with others who are trans and seldom think about transgenders and transsexuals. When I receive emails such as yours, it sometimes surprises me that I remember I am a transsexual. In my mind, I just don’t think about such things. I consider myself female and just let it go at that.

I continue to transition, but I transition as ME. My friends and church are important parts of my life . . . as you are, Monica.

Keep it up,
Roz